Bizarro is brought to you today by An Average Day in Hollywood.
Oh, my precious Jazz Pickles, I come to you today with a heavy heart. I have not been able to post on this blog all week and it sorrows me greatly; I feel I have let you down. Because I, like most people in the arts and especially those of us in LA, don’t really exist unless I am entertaining the masses and chasing the approval of strangers. So in a very real way, I have not existed all week. :0(
Oddly enough, I was awfully busy this week for someone who did not exist. Not sure how that works.
Any foot fetishists out there? This first cartoon is for you. I had a friend years ago who was into feet and I found it fascinating to talk to him about it. I don’t get it but I’m not judgmental, either. We’re wired how we’re wired, so you get the hand you’re dealt. I, for instance, am into women with mustaches. It’s hard to find anyone in my age group, though. Supposedly, Quentin Tarantino has a foot fetish. He does pay attention to women’s feet in his films, so maybe it is true. Quentin, if you’re a Jazz Pickle, please weigh in on this.
Anyone into Heinz 57 sauce? I really like it though I don’t have much occasion to eat it as a vegan. Haven’t had any in years. I should grab a bottle and see if it’s good on some of the stuff I eat. This idea came from the fertile imagination of my “known associate,” Wayno. If you’d like to point your brain at what he says about this one, go here, then come back.
If you don’t understand this next gag, it’s likely because you’ve never heard that doctors use the word “angina” for some kind of heart attack stuff, or that there is a very popular and famous theatrical production (I’m not sure if you’d call it a “play”) called, “The Vagina Monologues.” I’ve never seen it but I think it’s women talking about their lady bits. I’m sure there’s more to it than that, but you get the idea.
Here’s a gag that makes me laugh. I was kind of surprised that no one objected to this one when it ran in the papers. I guess Americans are more grown-up than I thought. I think this joke might have been a tad better if I could have put “piss” instead of “urinate,” but editors and readers would have objected to that word. I’ll never understand why humans give so much power to certain words. I think it’s b*llsh*t.
And speaking of better captions, a reader wrote to me this very morn and said this one might have been better if it had read, “I hope the regular size bus is next.” I couldn’t agree more. I assume most of you Jazz Pickles got it, but I’m sure some were confused. Sorry about that. Sometimes I just don’t think.
Thanks for checking into my blog today and allowing me to exist for another day. I hope to blog again over the weekend but man, I’ve been as busy as a chimp in a board meeting lately. Whatever the f*ck that means.
I has products.
I has books.
I has hats.