Text Bird Drugs


Bizarro is brought to you today by Slow Children.

When I was a kid I had a friend who had one of those “Slow Children Playing” signs in front of her house. We used to tease her that she and her sister must be “slow”. Clearly, this is a sign that could use some punctuation to avoid this kind of cruelty.

I provide my client newspapers with two versions of each of my Bizarro cartoons –– a panel and a strip –– so that they can use whichever fits best in their layout. In this post, I’ve included the strip version as well because I like the extra kid wandering around in the street while she texts. I think it adds to the joke. Now we need signs to warn us of drivers who are texting.

This Elmer Fudd cartoon got a few responses from readers who thought it was particularly fun. Hope you did, too. The drawing and coloring are a hybrid between my usual look and the classic Warner Brother’s look. I’m not sure where Elmer was when he ran into the Twitter logo bird, but I envy him. How great would it be to come across a giant, fat, blue bird whose head is larger than its entire body? The correct answer is “pretty great.”


On 60 Minutes last week, I’m told there was a story about placebos. (This cartoon was submitted four weeks ago, so it was not an inspiration.) Supposedly, the gist of the story was that studies have shown that with certain kinds of medications, placebos work as well or better than the real drug. Pharm companies are upset about this, of course. One of the drugs they mentioned were antidepressants, which I take, as do an estimated 130% of all Americans. I’d be willing to try the placebo version to see if it works as well, but the problem is that once you know it is a placebo, the effect is negated. If you know my pharmacist, would you mind asking her to switch my drugs for placebos next time without telling me?

Stay crunchy and kosher, Jazz Pickles.

You want cartoons on products.

You want cartoons in books.

You want placebos.



36 thoughts on “Text Bird Drugs

  1. Pingback: Text Bird Drugs « Humor

    • I put pie and various other little icons around my cartoons regularly. If you look through the other cartoons on my blog, you’ll see sticks of dynamite, a little alien in a saucer, a bunny, “K2”, an eyeball, and a few other rare ones. It’s just for fun.

  2. Since placebos work as well or better than the real drug, chances are you’re already on placebos if you think the antidepressants work. :)

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  4. “retweet” … oh, it is to laugh :-)

    I’m going to send the fake prescription gag to my doctor. Maybe he’ll get the hint.

    Hey Dan, is there anywhere we can find more of the strip versions? I just enjoy your artistry so much I’d like to see more for any given comic.

    • I don’t post the strip versions anywhere so I’m not sure where you could find them. I draw them as panels then convert them to strlps on computer, so I think of them as bastard stepchildren. I’ll keep in mind to post the ones with an interesting twist of some sort, though. Thanks for the suggestion.

  5. Actually, one of the really interesting things about placebos is that knowing that it’s a placebo *doesn’t* necessarily negate the effect. Other interesting things: name brand placebos work better than generic placebos, and red pills make better placebos than green ones.

  6. Y’know, I’m well into my 50s now, but I still get a snicker out of those yellow-diamond caution signs that say DEAF CHILD. I always point them out and ask my wife, “Hey, how come the city went to all that trouble for one kid?” My wife, totally not getting it, of course, rolls her eyes* and tells me the sign’s there because there’s a deaf kid living on that street who obviously can’t hear the traffic. I respond by telling her that yeah, I know why the city put that sign there, and that subtle humor is wasted on her.

    *She also groans when I make the identical joke about the SLOW CHILDREN PLAYING signs. She tells me that joke is stupid; I respond by reminding her that all humor is “stupid”, and that’s why it’s funny. She does, however, laugh at the warning signs ahead of speed bumps that say SPEED HUMP.

  7. Speaking of musical pickles, I’d like to draw your attention to this Yodelling Pickle. The comments are particularly of interest.

    I’m still waiting for you drawing of a Jazz Pickle so I can have it tattooed on my forhead.

  8. in the case of “Slow Children Texting” I think punctuation cruelty is … justified (?) of course you probably have one or more of these devices yourself so it might hit a bit close to home.

  9. Ha ha! I love the slow children! Yes, punctuation changes things so much! My favorite saying is, “Let’s eat Grandma! Or Let’s eat, Grandma!” All I can say is poor Grandma! Keep up the funny stuff!

    • No, I’ve not see it, thanks for the link. It’s illegal to do that without permission, of course, but I don’t mind if the translation is accurate. Do you know enough Spanish to tell if what they’ve written is essentially the same thing?

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  14. Commentary on the “Placebo” cartoon follows – I have had to explain what a placebo is…..SO..I can imagine someone asking the pharmacist for a placebo since it works “as well as regular prescription drugs. Is the generic version cheaper?” Also, after hearing stories of the person wanting to move the “deer Crossing” signs to a safer area for them to cross, we have evidence – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KXErTzBBG_k !! And also, the many people who called in to Fox Sports (and still call in, I understand) wanting to know how they managed to paint the first down and other lines so fast between plays, AND erase the ones from the last play! P.S. – they are computer generated. So…in conclusion – sadly, this all makes the comic so much funnier.

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