Bizarro AWOL

Hiya, Jazz Pickles. I’d love to be posting about the past week in Bizarro cartoons right now but my blog won’t let me upload pictures of any kind. There’s Interweb voodoo afoot and the gurus who fix this kind of thing for me won’t be back to their respective IT caves until Monday. Monday’s are busy cartoon deadline days for me so I don’t know when I’ll be able to get to it but I’ll do it as soon as I can! Thanks for your patience.

Alt Tarzan

Bizarro 03-22-15 hdrBizarro 03-22-15 WEB(Nobody will mind if you make these cartoons larger by clicking them. Try it. You’ll see.)

Bizarro is brought to you today by Horseracing Cheaters.

Last Sunday I published a cartoon with soldiers on a statue of a pigeon (this week’s title panel was constructed from it, in fact!) so this makes it two Sunday’s in a row that I’ve featured a cartoon with a human on a statue. This kind of thing often happens to cartoonists; one idea leads to another idea in the same vein. I like this one about Tarzan being raised in a city park instead of the jungles of Africa. The perspective was fun to draw and it has a few behind-the-scenes aspects that truly dedicated Jazz Pickles might find interesting: The statue’s plaque features a name that is similar to my fiance-in-law who is an award-winning brewmaster, the speaking character looks more-or-less like me a couple decades ago, the name on the back of his jersey refers to my lovely life partner, Olive Oyl, and the 13 is my daughter’s birth date (the one engaged to my fiance-in-law.) Lastly, more observant readers will notice that I tucked Tarzan’s loin cloth beneath him, thus obscuring an unpleasant view. You’re welcome. bz panel 03-16-15 bz panel 03-17-15 bz panel 03-18-15 bz panel 03-19-15bz strip 03-19-15bz panel 03-20-15 bz panel 03-21-15

Earlier this week (or “last” week, if you consider Sunday to be the first day of a new week) I published some other cartoons which you may notice floating in the space to the left of this text. I’m particularly fond of the parents who found their investment in a hidden video system worthwhile, though not for the reason they thought they would.

In this vampire cartoon I chose to draw a Nosferatu style character, though he’s wearing the traditional Hollywood Dracula outfit so he’s a bit of a hybrid. I regret that I made it look like daytime outside the window; that breaks the rules of vampires and was an absent-minded mistake on my part.

This next cartoon was born from my thoughts that living in a community controlled by a neighborhood association would for me be barely one step above prison. I have a lot of trouble with people who need this level of control over others.

I particularly like the bookstore cartoon, but more for the books on the shelves than the main gag. At this resolution you likely won’t be able to read the back of the book the kid is holding so I will tell you it says this: More titles by Seuss PhD, One Fish Two Fish Red Fish Mercury, The Cat in the Bathrobe, Horton Steps on the Lorax, Thidwick the Big-Mouthed Moose. The book on the lower right corner of the shelf says, A Kid’s Guide to Propaganda, and the large yellow one on the top shelf is Harry Potter and the Climate Change Deniers. I’ve also included the horizontal format of this gag (which I now only do when it shows something different or interesting that the vertical version does not) has one extra book on the far left called Bizarro Among the Cabbages. I once published a book titled Bizarro Among the Savages, which is long out of print but you can possibly still find one on the Interwebs somewhere.

I have little to say about these last two comics other than that I think they are humorous.

I hope you had a good week, Jazz Pickles, and I wish you a good week to come. Olive Oyl and I are settling in nicely in our new digs and almost everything is unpacked. The house is small and humble but we think we’ve made it look pretty cool and cozy inside.

Pooping in the Park

bizarro 03-15-15 hdr eWEB Bizarro 03-15-15aWEBbz panel 03-09-15 bz panel 03-10-15 bz panel 03-11-15 bz panel 03-12-15 bz panel 03-13-15 bz panel 03-14-15(Make this pigeon statue comic swell like a lip after a knuckle sandwich, by clicking George Washington’s boots.)

Bizarro is brought to you today by Super Styles For Super Men.

I conceived of this cartoon back in my first year of syndication in 1985 when I was just a child cartoonist, but the drawing was perfectly awful. (OMG, look how ugly it was!) I’d forgotten all about it until I came across it again recently but I liked the concept so much that I decided to draw and publish it again. I hope you enjoy looking upon it as much as I did redrawing it in a less ugly fashion.

Last Monday’s cartoon was this one about a vending machine called The New York Experience. I lived in NYC for almost ten years and can say that I enjoyed it very much for the first four or five, but then it began to really wear on me. There’s lots to do and tons of terrific history, of course, but the vibe of the city is stuck-up, irritable, and aggressive, the weather sucks big time all but a few weeks out of each year, and the bureaucracy that one encounters with even the simplest of tasks is enough to make you shoot yourself. If your wifi or cable TV is out, be prepared to wait a week or more for a service appointment. If you’re going to the DMV to get your driver’s license switched over, be prepared to wait four or five hours in line. Going to a post office is like visiting prison: bullet-proof glass, surly inmates and sadistic guards. I was happy to leave and honestly don’t care if I ever go back.

Tuesday’s cartoon was also about NYC, but in a less realistic way.

Moving to the West Coast, my Wednesday cartoon highlights the attention many Californians put on invisible forces of the universe. No definitive way to tell how much is real or imagined.

Thursday’s gag takes a shot at politicians and their never-ending scandals. The older I get, the less I trust anyone in a position of power.

Friday’s funny explores one woman’s battle with the power of temptation and a store manager’s gracious attempt to humor her.

And my Saturday cartoon is a wildly reckless foray into the world of politically correct language and is therefore fraught with danger. These days, a single slip of the tongue or ill-conceived email can ruin a person’s career. Polite language has a place in society but in my opinion, we’ve gone a bit overboard in the U.S.––far too many people are looking to be the victim of hurt feelings and take someone down.

Thanks for reading this far, Jazz Pickles. I hope you’re enjoying your life wherever you are today (even in NYC!)

 

Good Game

Bizarro 03-08-15 hdrWEB Bizarro 03-08-15 WEBbz panel 03-02-15 bz panel 03-03-15 bz panel 03-04-15 bz panel 03-05-15 bz panel 03-06-15 bz panel 03-07-15(For a more festive experience, click any of these cartoons and make it bigger!)

Bizarro is brought to you today by Fear of Balls.

IN the comments section of this cartoon on King Features’ site, a couple of readers were debating whether or not I was a sports fan. I’m one of those rare Bohemian, artistic types who is. I follow football and hockey pretty closely and as a kid played pretty much any sport my school or community offered: football, baseball, basketball, track, soccer, tennis. I gave most of it up in high school because I was too small to be given a decent chance by short-sighted coaches and also because I began to be acutely aware of the social differences between  creative types and jock types. But I still enjoy sports and physical activity of most kinds. (Except for those featured in the “Jackass” movies.) What I don’t enjoy (and never have) are interviews with players and coaches––as dull and predictable as political debates.

Monday’s cartoon about the pimped-out puppy is a reference to the Superbowl commercial from Budweiser. (I think.)

Tuesday’s cartoon is about something I don’t consider as much of a sport as a game. I find it too dull to watch. I’d watch full-contact golf, though.

Wednesday’s cartoon is about the baldness trend. Even before my hairline began receding I was happy to see shaved heads become fashionable. As a kid, I thought Telly Savalas and Yul Brynner were cool. Plus, to my eyes, anything looks better than thin, see-through hair, or, GOD FORBID, the comb-over.

I’m proud of my party store cartoon from Thursday and a little surprised my client papers didn’t object to it. You’d be surprised how puritanical some newspaper editors can be about the funny pages. But they are getting better; ten years ago I’d likely not have gotten away with this gag.

Friday’s Starbucks cartoon is my favorite of the week, I think. To me, it says a lot.

Saturday’s gag makes me smile, too. I love the idea of a guy who frames every dollar he ever makes. That’s why his office is so spare, in fact.

 

BIZARRCHIVES: I’ve not posted an old comic from the archival dungeon lately, so here’s one about golf that I hope you enjoy.bizarro 04-12-09 WEB