Strolling Monsters

Bizarro 10-12-14 hedrWEBBizarro 10-12-14 WEB(Why won’t you click on these cartoons and look at them larger?)

 

Bizarro is brought to you today by Sharing Chinese Food.

I have long been an opponent of people assuming that gigantic animals are up to no good. Whether you agree with me or not, or find this gag humorous, let it never be said that I didn’t put a hell of a lot of effort into drawing this cartoon. Whew! (more…)

Crime 11 Awareness Geriatric

bz panel 06-26-14bz strip 06-26-14bz panel 06-27-14bz strip 06-27-14bz panel 06-28-14bz strip 06-28-14Bizarro is brought to you today by House Pets.

What I like most about this armed robbery cartoon is imagining the robber saying all of this very matter-of-factly, the way someone might end a sentence with “yada, yada, yada”. Tons of people have real-life excuses for bad behavior but there is growing evidence that we don’t have nearly as much free choice as we think we do. Many scientists are beginning to suspect that given our specific DNA wiring, we are compelled to make the decisions we make––good, bad, and indifferent––and there is little we can do about it. Our brains simply tell us that this is the best course of action at the moment and we do it, thinking we made a “choice”. This notion is radical and counterintuitive, to say the least, but it might well be true. Oops…there goes another tenet of traditional human religions. (more…)

History Lesson

Bizarro 03-09-14 hdrWEBBizarro 03-09-14 WEB1(Click on any image to biggify it.)

Bizarro is brought to you today by Protecting Your Chocolate With Nails.

For centuries, people have thought that the pyramids in Egypt were burial thingies because mummies have been found inside. But archeologists have discovered that this was actually a later adaptation of the pyramids, which were originally built as ski slopes. We now know that aliens (from what is now Mexico) visited Egypt in the -23rd century and sold the local Tut on investing in what they promised would be a huge moneymaker for the region. They taught them how to build pyramids but it took them so long to complete them that the aliens lost interest before they were finished and returned home before giving them the formula for artificial snow. The gigantic construction project cost a fortune and became a huge embarrassment to the local politicians who approved it, so the locals killed them and buried them inside the phony mountains. (more…)

Booty Cast Thug Idea Exam Blur

Bizarro is brought to you today by Grizzly Bear Coin Purse.

You’ve stumbled upon this week’s roundup of Bizarro cartoons. First up is this silly little ditty by my known associate, Wayno of Pittsburgh. I love this gag and it makes me realize how much has changed in recent years. Not long ago, women worried about have a large butt. Now, with superstar-mondo-caboose celebs like J-Lo and Kim Kardashian, many women wish their butts were bigger. It’s always nice to have a role model, no matter what your body type, I suppose. Here’s what Wayno has to say about this collaboration. (more…)

Blurry Superstition Death Paternity Donut Cell Hives

Bizarro is brought to you today by Sheer Luck.

Have you ever felt that the world is suddenly wider and that the rules have changed so that everything you were used to before is now somehow inapplicable and you are starting from scratch? I have had that feeling this week because my blog got incorporated into King Features’ Mighty Network of Cartoonist Blogs and Other Things Designed to Help Cartoonists Make a Living Which is Harder Than You Might Assume. (I don’t think that is the literal name of their new network, but you get the idea.) In other words, the format of my blog changed a little and now the way I post is different and it slows me down. It’s not your problem, of course, I just wanted to vent because you are my only friend. (Yes, you.) (more…)

Thief Boobs Puppet

Bizarro is brought to you today by Career Opportunities.

When did criminals stop wearing those cute little taxi-driver caps, a Lone Ranger mask and a striped, long-sleeved T-shirt? Probably around the time banks stopped printing dollar signs on the sides of their money bags, but if I was going to commit a crime, I would definitely dress that way because people would never guess you were actually a criminal. They’d just think you were going to a costume party or something. Furthermore, if I was in jail and relegated to wearing one of those bright orange jumpsuits that say “PRISONER” or whatever across the back, I’d only escape on Halloween night. You could saunter down the street, even stop and chat with cops, and nobody would suspect a thing. A Halloween parade would be an excellent getaway vehicle. Also for a murderer covered with blood and carrying a chainsaw. (more…)

Prisoner of Humor

Bizarro is brought to you today by Wayno.

Here is Day Two of Wayno’s week-long commandeering of Bizarro.If you missed the story behind my having a Guest Cartoonist this week, read this previous post.

I love the wordplay here and enjoy anything that skewers high fashion. The fact that a given fashion “designer” can cover an object with their own ugly logo and millions of robotic humans will mistake it for attractive has long been a mystery to me. I don’t carry a purse, but if I did, I’d go for something more like the one in this cartoon, or this one. (more…)